Without apology, and with a whole lot of historical precedent, I stand with the Church in my belief that men and women did not simply crawl out of the slime and evolve to the point of setting up house together. God created man...then woman...and he did so with the intent that they be a family, working together, having children, and raising them to be Godly husbands and wives, etc. In getting married to my husband, I opted into God's plan. I fully expect that the way for this to work BEST is for me to follow HIS rules (God's, that is!) This constitutes the application of faith to my marriage.
Doesn't that sound nice? What I say I believe and how I behave are so often at odds with each other! My areas of control are my own life, and the lives of my children up to a certain age. If I follow God's rules, those areas are continually being submitted to Him. Instead I often find myself wallowing in "what if" scenarios that have me scrambling for more control in order to keep the inevitable collapse of the family from happening. When my husband is late from work, I have him dead in a ditch, no Will signed, the children shipped off to foster care and me in an insane assylum ...all within ten minutes and half a package of cookies. When he doesn't apologize for being late...well...after what he has put me through, it only seems fair to tell him a thing or two. If he dares to make light of this crisis, I know once and for all that I really don't mean a thing to him. OK...I exaggerate...but only a bit.
The Christian Faith provides a lovely alternative to all the drama. Submission to God's plan for us provides us with "a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light." His yoke is truth...Absolute, blindingly beautiful Truth. It is to be relied upon. His burden is Love. What we do out of genuine love is not heavy. Truth tells us that we are fashioned and loved by God. So are our children. So is our husband. The dignity with which each of us should be accorded is majestic and God-given. When I fail to accord this to my husband, I diminish him in my own eyes. This can have a profound effect on his own self perception, as well as the way my children view him.
I'm not advocating a fantasy. As wives and mothers we are privy to the worst of what our husbands and children can come up with (as they are with us). However, despite their willful actions, they remain God's own. My participation in His Plan will always see them through His eyes.
Actually, most important of all is to see myself through His eyes. If I could grant to every woman I know one thing...it would be this. To know in her heart of hearts how loved she is by God. From Creation, we've known that being loved is that which will most surely satisfy us. Being regarded as a treasure of great beauty is what will most energize us. Here is what Jesus says to you: "You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride, you have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes." (Song of Solomon 4:9) In loving us so personally, he makes us worthy of that love.
It is a mystery of the Faith that each of us can be the center of God's heart. But it is also a Truth...beautiful and to be relied upon. When I am living in the awareness of being completely loved by God, I look so very differently at my husband. I stop thinking about what my husband owes me and start looking for a way to share with him the bounty that's been given me. Transforming Love...God's Plan for me, for my marriage. (now to live it more than 5 minutes a week...or month...)
Many thanks to my dear friend who has encouraged me to write. I feel very small when I think of how many times I've had to pick myself up from the field of battle through my own fault. But I believe this call to marriage is not only doable. It is a field we can eventually stand on in triumph, swords flashing and banners waving to the glory of God and the Happiness of our families. Faith, hope and love, baby!
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