The dreaded Telegram

    Not too long ago, one of the most difficult "surprises" to endure was the doorbell ringing, a telegram awaiting on the other side.  We see it in movies and read about it in books.  Someone died or is missing in action.  Someone we love, or at the very least need.  The telegram was a communication that had to be encountered and demanded a response of some kind. In many ways, it seemed cruel and  dispassionate.  But it got the job done, and the life that was changed was forced to move on in whatever way was chosen.
    For those of us who struggle enough in our marriages that we seek outside council, the first piece of advice we are given is ALWAYS..."Well, you need to talk about it."  There are all kinds of "rules" to "talking about it"...and we listen respectfully, because we know that this kind of advice is helpful to many.  We also know that we have not been sitting on our duffs for so many years attempting nothing in the way of communication.  For many of us, our spouses view communication as a dreaded telegram.  Something to be gotten through as quickly as possible.  If the news is bad, there's going to be yelling, blaming, deflecting, etc.  And "We need to talk..." almost ALWAYS involves bad news.
  So here's my take on the necessary aspect of communication in marriage.  Again, this is for those who are valiantly striving towards the goal of a good marriage, but doing so with a different tool box than many wives seem to have.  I advise a love triangle.  Our communication needs to be daily, even hourly made with our Lord.  He handles bad news as graciously and lovingly as good news (and he likes them both!).  He is able to listen to ALL our words without being burdened or threatened. 
Hmm...this brings up a side note.  I love the writings of C.S. Lewis.  In his novel That Hideous Strength, two younger wives are fussing about how their husbands don't listen to them when they talk.  Mrs. Dimble, older and wiser replies:  " ...did it ever come into your mind to ask whether anyone could listen to all we say?"  We, as women, often think in words.  I know that sounds silly...but we're chattering to ourselves in our heads, and often out of our mouths.  Perhaps we should be content with that, and not expect others to keep up!  End of the side note! 
    As I was saying before I chattered an interruption, I've come to believe that the bulk of communication that needs to happen in a marriage, needs to happen with Christ first.  If HE wants me to speak of something with my husband, I will know it.  Too often my EGO needs to be championed, and I speak out of that need, rather than humbly submitting my hurt to the Lord.   The most important communication I can have with my spouse is to communicate the unconditional love of God for him that is hopefully growing within me.  He is a Prince in the heart of God.  Even an unbeliever is an intentional creation of the heavenly Father.  Am I able to effectively telegram this message to him, even on "the bad" days? It is the most important communique I can offer.